November 12 2016 in Bergen, Norway.
«বৈরাগ্য সাধনে মুক্তি, সে আমার নয় ।
অসংখ্য বন্ধন-মাঝে মহানন্দময়
লভিব মুক্তির স্বাদ ।»
("DELIVERANCE is not for me in renunciation. I feel the embrace of freedom in a thousand bonds of delight")
Well, that is the reason I wanted to be with all of you on this particular day November 12 2016 (the day when I became 60) – the best gift on this day is your time and the bondage we have with each other.
I do remember my 30th birthday. It was in Fantoft Studentby, C-blokk, 13th floor (English way), Bergen, Norway. A few of you were there with me that day too. We were sitting on the floor having beer and soft drinks with cake and most probably pizza. That day I even did not dream that age can be problem.
Then comes 40. My boss at Bergen Bolig og Byfornyese mentioned that that is a critical age. I have to face a lot of changes. But that did not bother me. And then agein, I thought – Oh! no age is not a problem.
I remember my 50 the same year Zephaniah was born. Starting of a new life. Though I heard it will be tough at this age to have a baby, but I managed – managed quite good. So I thought, obviously age is not a problem.
And now, today, when I am 60 I find I have a lot of responsibilities which are not finished. For example I have to carry Samuel until he is at least 20. Looking through the windows of life I feel it might be a problem.
But I always keep it in my mind what Rune Løvold told me one day. He said that if you come to a psychiatrist with all your story then he/she will advice you that you have a big problem. And then, you caontact a psychologist and ask for the solution of your problem he/she will tell you that you have to live with it.
I do agree with my psychologist – One has to live with all that a life has to give – we have to live with it.
My life is full of ups and downs – there were times when I did not see light in front of me – and there were times when the life was full of joy, when I thought it will never end. But time passes and one has to live with it.
On this day I remember to many things, I remember so many people to whom I am and will be indebted and thankful forever. I am thankful to my parents for giving me birth. I am thankful to my Nana (Maternal Grand Father) and Nani (Maternal Grand Mother) who brought me up. I am thankful to my Mama (Maternal Uncle) who supported me in a way that I thought he is my father number two. In my childhood I used to say I have two fathers one is Father another is Mama. And, I am thankful to my Mami (wife of my Maternal Uncle) who sacrificed a lot of her time for taking care of me – which she might have desired to use in her conjugal life in a different way. I remember, even I was a co-traveller with my uncle’s honeymoon tour. I do not think it was quite interesting for my Mami, but she had to accept.
I am thankful to Zaman who encouraged and helped me to come here – Bergen, Norway, and thankful to Zaman & Tariq who helped me for the big immigration in life. Though in the beginning I thought that it was a great mistake - coming here. Because, I came here with the hope of getting higher education – which according to our knowledge after having a Masters it should be a Ph. D. But the University of Bergen (UoB) assessed our Masters degree as equivalent to only one year in the UoB. That was quite hard to accept and I wrote so many letters to the University authority to assess our degree properly. I have copy of those letters yet with me. But nothing gave any result at that time. That's when I thought I am fucked up - So now I am in Norway.
But, in fact, the life here in Norway gave me a lot. I do not regret anything now, rather I am proud of being a Norwegian. By the Mercy of Allah, I have four beautiful sons. I have a beautiful wife. Two of my sons have beautiful partners. I have a very good job. I have all of you. And I have a really good life – Alhamdu Lillah! What else can one expect from life. My only wish at this moment is to be with all of you and having a sound mental and physical health. In that period of time I might be able to finish some of my duties I have started already.
On this day I remember all the phases of my life. These were not always so smooth. My childhood in Rangpur – it was without any worry. I knew I have people around me to love, protect and support. Those were the days passed away playing in the fields and enjoying love from all around me. With this happiness in mind study was not difficult at all. May be that was the reason for being a first liner in the school. Well, I had a real nice and happy childhood.
I remember the liberation war of Bangladesh in 1971. I am not sure whether I could have been here today without the liberation of Bangladesh.
Then comes the second phase of my life – the first two years of college life in Dhaka. The age was in its revolting phase, and the time was also just immediate after the liberation war with a lot of unrest. Nothing was good enough for the life – no economic independence – no way to decide the course of my own life – no way to decide the way I wanted to live. Everything were just chaos. Once at that stage I even decided to quit studying and go for army – thank god I did not qualify in the physical test. So, the phase ended with the starting of a hippie life, and quite a bad result in the college exams.
Anyway, I managed – and I also managed to get admitted in the Jahangirnagar University. I would say the third phase of my life. It was fun – it was joy. Enjoyed everything possible well within the limit of legal environment. The hippie life blossomed to its highest point. This freedom again gave me energy to study, and among the teachers, I was in the upper group of intelligent students. I will never ever forget the time in the Jahangirnagar University. It was such a beautiful and free life.
Then the next is here in Norway which again have so many phases – so many ups and downs. But whenever I started facing problems some opportunities opened its doors for me to overcome it. And I manage to take control over life again and again. So, you see you have to live with it.
I do agree the path of life has lot of problems and challenges. But it has a lot of opportunities too. One just has to try hard to either avoid or solve the problems and grab the opportunities. And we have to live with these problems, challenges and opportunities.
I remember also the different faces of myself in these phases – as others perceived it. In my childhood I was a very religious, well behaved and lovely good boy. In my college life it was an average boy – nothing special. In the University life a hippie. I came to know later that the younger girls were afraid of talking to me as they thought I was always drunk. This was for having funny clothes and having red eyes. When I came to Bergen, one of our co-student Moudud Bhai used to call me the “Matal” – the drunk one, Faruk Bhai – one of my best friend - once mentioned me as the playboy of Fantoft from Bangladesh. Another friend of mine Vinod used to call me the dancing boy. Now I am afraid to ask people what they think about me – which might increase my external identities. Any way, this is what I am, this is what people think about me. And I have to live with all these – because the show must go on.
To manage the cultural differences between Norway and Bangladesh were also and still are a problem for me and many of us - the first generation immigrants. This has also consequences in our lives. I can just mention a very little example. I, even on the first meeting, can give a hug to any woman who is not Bangladeshi. On the other hand when many Bangladeshi women will feel free to hug a non-Bangladeshi man, but not the same when it concerns a Bangladeshi man, even when we know each other for decades. And, I have to respect that. I know, these types of balances with very small details in life can sometime be difficult and reason for misunderstandings. And we have to live with these.
Time will not stop and the show must go on. This is what most important to remember always. No one should stop in this race of time then you are failed. Just be with time and go forward.
My suggestion, from my experience of 60 years, to the next generation is love and respect people around you. You will get love and respect. There is no difference between people whoever he/she is. There is no class in humanity. And remember no one is guilty unless it is proven – no one has the right to judge someone depending on prejudice. Never ever discriminate anyone due to his/her outlooking, colour, education, economic status, race, religion, life style or belief.
I will tell you about a particular morning in 1986. One morning, when I was travelling Rangpur after coming to Bergen, one of our village neighbor, my “Nak Kata Nana – grandfather with a cut mark on his nose”, came to visit me. He was a poor man who sold tea in the village market. He had two eggs with him for me as a gift – may be only those two he had in his house. How can I ever pay him back the price of those two eggs except my respect and love. I got those most valuable eggs in my life only as a return of my respect toward him. I got the love from him that cannot be measured with any scale.
Help others who need it. You will get help if at any time you need it. I might have done something good somewhere – as a result I never stopped for not having money. I remember in 1970 I was in a big crisis. I did not have enough money to pay the fees for my school final exam (SSC). My father was not in a position to manage the money within the deadline. Finally, Mokbul Nana (brother of my grand mother) – who did not have enough money to buy day to day food - managed to get the money I needed from someone he knew. Without that money – 80 takas – around 30 US$ at that time - I would not have been here today. I think, even with all my savings today, I can never pay him back that 30 US$. You give – you will get it back one way or other.
Be honest and justified; no one can stop you. I will not say I am a perfect man who did nothing wrong in this life. I made mistakes which might be considered by others as being dishonest and unjustified. But those were mistakes not done in purpose. And one has to learn from the mistakes. Due to these mistakes one fails in achieving the goals and from these failures one learn. Yes, We have to live with these mistakes and learnings.
Be hard working – you will achieve the goal. My career here in Norway was not that easy. I got my first job in Bergen kommune after applying for more than eighty (80) different jobs. I got the first full time job for six (6) months in 1989. That was the starting. And then I have to proof my worthwhile to climb the way where I am now. I had to work hard. Even for that reason I might not have given the time I should have for Daniel and Benjamin. I remember working late night. As I told you before, this life is full of challenges and opportunities. One of those opportunities was the job where I am now. In fact – getting advice from one of my friend Talal – I applied in this place to press working place where I was working at that time for a bit higher salary. They denied and I joined at Åstveit DPS as “økonomi sjef” an officer in charge of finance. Sissel Horten, the then chief, started giving me responsibilities one after another. First , the responsibility for the personnel then responsibility for IKT. That increased the salary too obviously. I can promise it did not come so easy. I remember working until 4 o’clock in the morning before starting a new day at 8 o’clock. Anyway, the result is that I was imprisoned with power and salary. I got so much power that I can never change the place and have a job with higher satisfaction. So came centralization from Helse Bergen. I decided to stay with Bjørgvin DPS (the same organization but having a different name) and gave up the job as “økonomi- and personalsjef”. I find that period of loosing power very difficult to adjust. The new environment took time to settle down. Thanks to Gro Fanebust and other colleges for understanding and support. But what I achieved today could have been impossible without hard working.
That’s what I am living with all my achievements and failures – now here in Norway.
Dear all, thank you very much for attending my 60th birthday. It is quite moving and emotional to get such a big attention from all of you. I am really enjoying the moments.
Tahmina, my beautiful wife, worked very hard to make it a success with her helpers – Daniel, Hanna, Benjamin; and also, Zephaniah and Samuel who helped in their own way. Thanks to them. Thanks to Zainab, Ulla, Rune, Runa, Ashraf, Sujit, Michael, Shahin, Mou, Shelly, Anik, Sabeel, Diba and all others who helped us make the day a memorable one.
Finally, many thanks for the gifts and good wishes from all of you.
Some of the wishes will be tough to fulfill though. Living another 100 years with same capability and spirit is one of them, I am afraid.
Thanks again.
At the end I will say
“ওগো, পথের সাথি, নমি বারম্বার ।
পথিকজনের লহো লহো নমস্কার ॥“
“COMRADE of the road,
Here are my traveller's greetings to thee.”
«বৈরাগ্য সাধনে মুক্তি, সে আমার নয় ।
অসংখ্য বন্ধন-মাঝে মহানন্দময়
লভিব মুক্তির স্বাদ ।»
("DELIVERANCE is not for me in renunciation. I feel the embrace of freedom in a thousand bonds of delight")
Well, that is the reason I wanted to be with all of you on this particular day November 12 2016 (the day when I became 60) – the best gift on this day is your time and the bondage we have with each other.
I do remember my 30th birthday. It was in Fantoft Studentby, C-blokk, 13th floor (English way), Bergen, Norway. A few of you were there with me that day too. We were sitting on the floor having beer and soft drinks with cake and most probably pizza. That day I even did not dream that age can be problem.
Then comes 40. My boss at Bergen Bolig og Byfornyese mentioned that that is a critical age. I have to face a lot of changes. But that did not bother me. And then agein, I thought – Oh! no age is not a problem.
I remember my 50 the same year Zephaniah was born. Starting of a new life. Though I heard it will be tough at this age to have a baby, but I managed – managed quite good. So I thought, obviously age is not a problem.
And now, today, when I am 60 I find I have a lot of responsibilities which are not finished. For example I have to carry Samuel until he is at least 20. Looking through the windows of life I feel it might be a problem.
But I always keep it in my mind what Rune Løvold told me one day. He said that if you come to a psychiatrist with all your story then he/she will advice you that you have a big problem. And then, you caontact a psychologist and ask for the solution of your problem he/she will tell you that you have to live with it.
I do agree with my psychologist – One has to live with all that a life has to give – we have to live with it.
My life is full of ups and downs – there were times when I did not see light in front of me – and there were times when the life was full of joy, when I thought it will never end. But time passes and one has to live with it.
On this day I remember to many things, I remember so many people to whom I am and will be indebted and thankful forever. I am thankful to my parents for giving me birth. I am thankful to my Nana (Maternal Grand Father) and Nani (Maternal Grand Mother) who brought me up. I am thankful to my Mama (Maternal Uncle) who supported me in a way that I thought he is my father number two. In my childhood I used to say I have two fathers one is Father another is Mama. And, I am thankful to my Mami (wife of my Maternal Uncle) who sacrificed a lot of her time for taking care of me – which she might have desired to use in her conjugal life in a different way. I remember, even I was a co-traveller with my uncle’s honeymoon tour. I do not think it was quite interesting for my Mami, but she had to accept.
I am thankful to Zaman who encouraged and helped me to come here – Bergen, Norway, and thankful to Zaman & Tariq who helped me for the big immigration in life. Though in the beginning I thought that it was a great mistake - coming here. Because, I came here with the hope of getting higher education – which according to our knowledge after having a Masters it should be a Ph. D. But the University of Bergen (UoB) assessed our Masters degree as equivalent to only one year in the UoB. That was quite hard to accept and I wrote so many letters to the University authority to assess our degree properly. I have copy of those letters yet with me. But nothing gave any result at that time. That's when I thought I am fucked up - So now I am in Norway.
But, in fact, the life here in Norway gave me a lot. I do not regret anything now, rather I am proud of being a Norwegian. By the Mercy of Allah, I have four beautiful sons. I have a beautiful wife. Two of my sons have beautiful partners. I have a very good job. I have all of you. And I have a really good life – Alhamdu Lillah! What else can one expect from life. My only wish at this moment is to be with all of you and having a sound mental and physical health. In that period of time I might be able to finish some of my duties I have started already.
On this day I remember all the phases of my life. These were not always so smooth. My childhood in Rangpur – it was without any worry. I knew I have people around me to love, protect and support. Those were the days passed away playing in the fields and enjoying love from all around me. With this happiness in mind study was not difficult at all. May be that was the reason for being a first liner in the school. Well, I had a real nice and happy childhood.
I remember the liberation war of Bangladesh in 1971. I am not sure whether I could have been here today without the liberation of Bangladesh.
Then comes the second phase of my life – the first two years of college life in Dhaka. The age was in its revolting phase, and the time was also just immediate after the liberation war with a lot of unrest. Nothing was good enough for the life – no economic independence – no way to decide the course of my own life – no way to decide the way I wanted to live. Everything were just chaos. Once at that stage I even decided to quit studying and go for army – thank god I did not qualify in the physical test. So, the phase ended with the starting of a hippie life, and quite a bad result in the college exams.
Anyway, I managed – and I also managed to get admitted in the Jahangirnagar University. I would say the third phase of my life. It was fun – it was joy. Enjoyed everything possible well within the limit of legal environment. The hippie life blossomed to its highest point. This freedom again gave me energy to study, and among the teachers, I was in the upper group of intelligent students. I will never ever forget the time in the Jahangirnagar University. It was such a beautiful and free life.
Then the next is here in Norway which again have so many phases – so many ups and downs. But whenever I started facing problems some opportunities opened its doors for me to overcome it. And I manage to take control over life again and again. So, you see you have to live with it.
I do agree the path of life has lot of problems and challenges. But it has a lot of opportunities too. One just has to try hard to either avoid or solve the problems and grab the opportunities. And we have to live with these problems, challenges and opportunities.
I remember also the different faces of myself in these phases – as others perceived it. In my childhood I was a very religious, well behaved and lovely good boy. In my college life it was an average boy – nothing special. In the University life a hippie. I came to know later that the younger girls were afraid of talking to me as they thought I was always drunk. This was for having funny clothes and having red eyes. When I came to Bergen, one of our co-student Moudud Bhai used to call me the “Matal” – the drunk one, Faruk Bhai – one of my best friend - once mentioned me as the playboy of Fantoft from Bangladesh. Another friend of mine Vinod used to call me the dancing boy. Now I am afraid to ask people what they think about me – which might increase my external identities. Any way, this is what I am, this is what people think about me. And I have to live with all these – because the show must go on.
To manage the cultural differences between Norway and Bangladesh were also and still are a problem for me and many of us - the first generation immigrants. This has also consequences in our lives. I can just mention a very little example. I, even on the first meeting, can give a hug to any woman who is not Bangladeshi. On the other hand when many Bangladeshi women will feel free to hug a non-Bangladeshi man, but not the same when it concerns a Bangladeshi man, even when we know each other for decades. And, I have to respect that. I know, these types of balances with very small details in life can sometime be difficult and reason for misunderstandings. And we have to live with these.
Time will not stop and the show must go on. This is what most important to remember always. No one should stop in this race of time then you are failed. Just be with time and go forward.
My suggestion, from my experience of 60 years, to the next generation is love and respect people around you. You will get love and respect. There is no difference between people whoever he/she is. There is no class in humanity. And remember no one is guilty unless it is proven – no one has the right to judge someone depending on prejudice. Never ever discriminate anyone due to his/her outlooking, colour, education, economic status, race, religion, life style or belief.
I will tell you about a particular morning in 1986. One morning, when I was travelling Rangpur after coming to Bergen, one of our village neighbor, my “Nak Kata Nana – grandfather with a cut mark on his nose”, came to visit me. He was a poor man who sold tea in the village market. He had two eggs with him for me as a gift – may be only those two he had in his house. How can I ever pay him back the price of those two eggs except my respect and love. I got those most valuable eggs in my life only as a return of my respect toward him. I got the love from him that cannot be measured with any scale.
Help others who need it. You will get help if at any time you need it. I might have done something good somewhere – as a result I never stopped for not having money. I remember in 1970 I was in a big crisis. I did not have enough money to pay the fees for my school final exam (SSC). My father was not in a position to manage the money within the deadline. Finally, Mokbul Nana (brother of my grand mother) – who did not have enough money to buy day to day food - managed to get the money I needed from someone he knew. Without that money – 80 takas – around 30 US$ at that time - I would not have been here today. I think, even with all my savings today, I can never pay him back that 30 US$. You give – you will get it back one way or other.
Be honest and justified; no one can stop you. I will not say I am a perfect man who did nothing wrong in this life. I made mistakes which might be considered by others as being dishonest and unjustified. But those were mistakes not done in purpose. And one has to learn from the mistakes. Due to these mistakes one fails in achieving the goals and from these failures one learn. Yes, We have to live with these mistakes and learnings.
Be hard working – you will achieve the goal. My career here in Norway was not that easy. I got my first job in Bergen kommune after applying for more than eighty (80) different jobs. I got the first full time job for six (6) months in 1989. That was the starting. And then I have to proof my worthwhile to climb the way where I am now. I had to work hard. Even for that reason I might not have given the time I should have for Daniel and Benjamin. I remember working late night. As I told you before, this life is full of challenges and opportunities. One of those opportunities was the job where I am now. In fact – getting advice from one of my friend Talal – I applied in this place to press working place where I was working at that time for a bit higher salary. They denied and I joined at Åstveit DPS as “økonomi sjef” an officer in charge of finance. Sissel Horten, the then chief, started giving me responsibilities one after another. First , the responsibility for the personnel then responsibility for IKT. That increased the salary too obviously. I can promise it did not come so easy. I remember working until 4 o’clock in the morning before starting a new day at 8 o’clock. Anyway, the result is that I was imprisoned with power and salary. I got so much power that I can never change the place and have a job with higher satisfaction. So came centralization from Helse Bergen. I decided to stay with Bjørgvin DPS (the same organization but having a different name) and gave up the job as “økonomi- and personalsjef”. I find that period of loosing power very difficult to adjust. The new environment took time to settle down. Thanks to Gro Fanebust and other colleges for understanding and support. But what I achieved today could have been impossible without hard working.
That’s what I am living with all my achievements and failures – now here in Norway.
Dear all, thank you very much for attending my 60th birthday. It is quite moving and emotional to get such a big attention from all of you. I am really enjoying the moments.
Tahmina, my beautiful wife, worked very hard to make it a success with her helpers – Daniel, Hanna, Benjamin; and also, Zephaniah and Samuel who helped in their own way. Thanks to them. Thanks to Zainab, Ulla, Rune, Runa, Ashraf, Sujit, Michael, Shahin, Mou, Shelly, Anik, Sabeel, Diba and all others who helped us make the day a memorable one.
Finally, many thanks for the gifts and good wishes from all of you.
Some of the wishes will be tough to fulfill though. Living another 100 years with same capability and spirit is one of them, I am afraid.
Thanks again.
At the end I will say
“ওগো, পথের সাথি, নমি বারম্বার ।
পথিকজনের লহো লহো নমস্কার ॥“
“COMRADE of the road,
Here are my traveller's greetings to thee.”
